It was all gravy but now it's just mashed potatoes.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

The name "hot water Heater" is stupid. If the water was hot, then why would it need to be heated?

If you need a nichole ill give you a dime,but if you **** with my girl ill **** up your face.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
i'm like a candy wraper flying in an updraft!
(not me homer simpson)

When life gives you lemons...throw them back and say fü/ck you beyotch!

~mine...and if you hear other wise...i swear on my life i didnt steal it but i cant make my copyright sign ahhhh!

Babby if your name was homework, you would be lying on my desk right now and i'de be doing you.

Have you noticed escalators are never out of order? They're just temporarily stairs...

If I had the choice between an escalator and an elevator, I'd choose the elevator. If you fall in an elevator, you can pick yourse;f back up. If you fall on an escalator, you just keep falling and falling and falling.....

For Sale-
Large bag of shoes, various sizes, no matches. Call to make an offer, or will trade for snorkel.

This was an actual ad!