I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much did you drink?

Please don't tell my Mama that I work on an oil rig... She thinks I'm a piano player in a wh*r*house.

Guns are no more responsible for killing people than the spoon is responsible for making Rosie O'Donnell fat.

mean but funny-lyssa

WORST PICK UP LINE

Nice legs what time are they open

"My wife has 52 personaities, and 51 of them hate my guts"

Tom Arnold on wife Rosanne

Hi i am here i just dnt care so pls leave yr msg afta da tone n i'll delete it later beeeep

See ppl in love in the hallways holdin hands, my friends are like awww. I'm like get a f@#$% room.

I rather spend quality time with my pillow than spend quality time with you!

I was like "whoa!" without the 'w' and the 'a'!

When your swimming in the ocean and you see a shark, you don't have to swim faster than the shark, you just have to swim faster than the person your with. lol

~.~Britbrat