Forget not how to live...

Friendship is really weird. Like, you just pick some humans you've met and you're like, "Yup, I like these ones." And you just do stuff with them.

The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.

I love how when I get online you get offline. Like a little game of cat and mouse, don't you think?

Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he's a keeper.

Do you want a medal or a chest to pin it on?

Our relationship has about the same chance surviving as a snowball in hell. Unless you make an effort to remove the polar icecap shoved up your as*.

Your so cute, baby seals and puppy's send each other post cards of you

She's so far out of my league she's playing for the other team.

Obesity: When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you.