Dear girls: The sooner one of you bites the bullet and becomes my girlfriend, the sooner I leave the rest of you alone. #Takeonefortheteam

Love isn't blind. It's retarded.

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.

New condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she's going to get your paychecks.

Yes, we did share a lot of chemistry, but that was before the lab blew up.

Okay, what does this dress say to you? Uh...beware of crazy ladies who talk to dresses?

If you're on the bridge
and the one you love is going to fall off the bridge
but your holding one of her/his hand?

remember if you love him/her
you have too.....

LET HER/HIM GO x]

You traded your iPhone 4 for an extra inch? Hope your girlfriend doesn't do the same.

"Word of Advice: Don't ever look at your brother's computer screen under any circumstances."