I've been single for a while and I have to say, it's going very well. Like... It's working out. I think I'm the one.

I love the sound you make when you shut the fcuk up.

I own beach front property in the friend-zone.

If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his dikc ... maybe squint a little bit

Don't play hard to get when your face is already hard to want.

When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sex, not the whole entire relationship...

The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.

I've spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she's a woodpecker.

Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody's pants.

Valentines Day = Single Awareness Day