Of all the things about me that could frighten you,
You worry about my driving.

Admit it. You get a small rush of happiness when your crush likes your Facebook picture or status.

If love can kill, I will survive...

Those Who Dare Not Risk The Thorn, Should Never Crave The Rose

Her belt was hard-pressed to keep up her pants

My new girlfriend is taking forever to exist.

My last loving relationship involved a spare electrical outlet at an airport departure gate.

They say honesty is the best way to go. But how do you tell someone that you were dreaming about them? You don't, you lie and say it was a nightmare.

MY X : HoW CoMe U DiTChEd Me AnD CoULDn'T DiTcH ThE CiGaReTTe...Me: mm HoNeY WouLd U BuRn YouRSeLf JuSt FoR Me..! GuEss NoT!!

A wife just wants one thing, 'trust'. Ha! Myth busted, she wants your rich d*k too.