Alcoholism is a disease but it's the only the disease you can get yelled at for having. Damnit Otto you're an alcoholic. Damnit Otto you have lupus. One of these doesn't sound right.

When I walk by you say "fag" but your boner says something else.

The world is like a gaint highschool, it is full of idiotic people that don't understand anything.

When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.

I did not hit you,
...
i simply hive-fived your face.

*not by me.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words ... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading to a lowered self-esteem and decreased work-related efficiency."

Hehe!

Have you ever noticed that anyone going faster than you is a maniac and anyone going slower than you is an idiot?

Have you ever realized that if you put THE and IRS together it spells THEIRS?? coinicedence......i think not!

Stupid people do have feelings they're just too dumb to know it

Could someone get addicted to counseling? And if so, how would you treat them?