Possessed doll

OH,WOOOW,GIRL YOU ROCK;)....
This poem is one of my favorites, because I feel the same feeling.The feeling of having two different personalities inside you and you are lost between them.It's confusing and tiring.

keep it up.5\5...

Overall, this is truly an interesting piece. I like the idea of the poem and the whole concept.
I personally dislike AABB rhyme scheme so the rhymes between the third and the fourth line in every stanza bothered me a bit, but that's just my personal opinion. You have nice choice of words from the beginning to the end and you created haunting, dark and certainly memorable atmosphere through the piece.

- She said that I'm forged
but to her truth, I was bandaged -
^^^
Powerful beginning. It pulled me deeply into the poem. Amazingly written.

- My mind was her game
and even my heart was so lame-
^^
I like the message and concept of this but the rhyme threw me off a bit. It seem forced and overused.

- The girl inside me judges me unfairly
She doesn't accept my deviltry
She seeks destroying my soul
And that was her only role-
^^^
Really good stanza, I like it. Again, I don't like the rhyme soul/role, but that's just my opinion. All in all, this is great continuation of the first stanza.

- Every time I try to destroy that bad girl,
I destroy the good one that is living in a swirl
It seems that I forgot that both of them are me
but I am too blind to see-
^^^
I don't like the repetition of 'destroy'. You can replace the second 'destroy' with 'ravage' or 'lacerate'. Other than that, this is nice. I like the third line a lot, it highlights main message of the piece.

I don't have any critiques/suggestions for the fourth stanza, I think it's greatly written and very vivid.
The last stanza could be more powerful. The second line of it seem forced and it don't make sense to me, but the rest of the stanza is o.k, I just think it could be more intense.

Overall, I enjoyed in this dark piece. I don't want to offend you with those critiques, I think that this is great poem which has huge potential to be even better with a few small changes.

Keep up and thanks for the comment :)

She said that I'm forged
but to her truth, I was bandaged
My mind was her game
and even my heart was so lame

Do you refer to your soul inside of you ? or to that evil spirit that sometimes settles in our heart for a while ?

The girl inside me judges me unfairly
She doesn't accept my deviltry
She seeks destroying my soul
And that was her only role

seems to me it is a devil spirit trying to shatter you to straws ,but since that soul representing in girl targeted you,why do you think that she would do that ?

Every time I try to destroy that bad girl,
I destroy the good one that is living in a swirl
It seems that I forgot that both of them are me
but I am too blind to see

now ,that girl is a part of you ! Is it the hidden part of your personality you donw show it to people ?

I can neither fight nor surrender to her
This conflict became something that I can't bear
She eats from my age, She is so real
She is the ruler and I'm just waiting for appeal

ohh ,are you this weak infront of her?? this makes me think that she nethier control you nor affect you only ,no ,she owns you ! since she can eats from your age that means that you are her possession !
was she so little at the beginning and grew older in you ,or it just came suddenly into your life and you started losing controll?

She just forces me to regret everything I did
I'm obsessed by her even when I'm in bed
She is the possessor of the pain I feel inside,
and I'm just a helpless doll suffering in her dark side

A total surrender , !! but i hope that days comes and you can get it out of your life and restore your real soul ,DOn't worry ,there are always solutions,and ways since there is a will !

so expressive poem ... 5/5

Dear Shaimaa..
What an amazing piece of work..I'm so in love with your work, Maybe because dark poems are what I enjoy reading the most.
This poem is so enjoyable, I liked the concept and the idea of it, its like a story of a schizophrenic, But in fact thats what we all suffer from.

I can neither fight nor surrender to her
This conflict became something that I can't bear
She eats from my age, She is so real
She is the ruler and I'm just waiting for appeal

this stanza is outstanding, specially the first two lines, totally loved them.
Awesome work babe =)
Keep it up
Miss you <3

This is amazing! I think I've got a doll like that inside myself...only male :p