I loved the flow in this poem, it was really nice. Well written and hearfelt. Don't think ONE needs to be capitalised. I think the second to last stanza is a bit self centered and I don't particularly like it. You could rearrange it to say you'd be the one for him but to suggest perfection isn't the right way to go about it. A good write in all. Really admired the flow, well done.
I can be the stars ,
That light up your night sky .
And I can be your shoulder ,
If ever you need to cry .
A very sweet ending, once again... loved it...
I can be your words ,
If ever you cannot speak .
And I can be your eyes ,
If the truth you ever seek .
I didn't understand this stanza... I think I am possibly not interpreting correctly... It sounds deep, though :)
I can be your conscience ;
That whisper in your ear .
And I can be the ONE ,
The one that you hold dear .
- i think "whispers" would sound better than whisper...
I understand where you are trying to get... yet... conscience? why conscience?
The rest of the stanza is wonderful, though...
I really think I am misreading this...
I can be the laughter ,
That puts the smile on your face .
And I can be the beauty
That makes your heart beat race .
This stanza is great... I just love the feeling of it...
I can be the girl ,
That you just can't get off your mind .
And I can be the perfection ,
That you've searched so long to find .
This is really good, but i think the flow might be a little bit off... not sure, though...
Boy , I can be your anything ;
And to you I'll always tend .
I want to be your everything ,
But never just your friend .
okay, this ending was really fantastic :)
Sometimes I don't get what you mean, but it can be that i misread it... Besides that, the poem is flawless...
5/5 (not your fault my interpretation is messy... :) )
I absolutely love this poem. ONE THING, though. I say this so much and I get that people think punctuation is either a needed thing or un-needed thing. But, with poetry it's not like that. When you read a poem (correctly) you're supposed to stop at punctuation. Which, sadly enough, can make or break the flow of a poem. Youve WAY too many commas in this poem. Read it out loud and pause at commas and just a few milliseconds more at the periods. You'll see what I mean. Example: first stanza calls for NO commas, but a period every other line (where you have the periods)