The Mind's Treason (Spensarian Sonnet)

by Hollymariee   Dec 4, 2009


Those eyes filled with that caramel colour,
Melt away the barriers to my soul.
And my lips on yours, though so much smaller;
Fuse securely in an entrancing hold.
Your warming smile protects me from the cold,
While your calm presence cools against the heat.
By allowing our feelings to unfold,
We will develop a love like concrete.
Sun kissed skin with an aroma so sweet,
Draws me into craving your gentle touch.
Your hand on me, my heart ceases to beat;
I am consumed by your spellbinding clutch.
Without your love I risk living without reason,
Alas rid the thoughts provoked by the mind's treason.

Rhyme scheme : ababbcbccdcdee , iambic pentameter except for the last two lines which are iambic hexameter.

2


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Latest Comments

  • 10 years ago

    by Stephanie Naylor

    Very great write. THere wasnt a line out of places, every line had a certain job in the poem, i am finding that people are starting to throw in little lines for length or just for some form of flashiness i guess but this was really great, the flow was spot on and the rhyming never seemed forced.

    "Sun kissed skin with an aroma so sweet,
    Draws me into craving your gentle touch"

    Those are the best lines of the poem, it isnt the cliche line of i crave your touch or anything, its much much better. Great job
    and a well deserved 5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by Sumit Ojha

    Nice poem 4/5

  • 10 years ago

    by Lover Boii

    Firstly, I loved this poem. It was beautiful.

    The adjectives you use are simple everyday words but allow for such an image to be drawn that it feels like I'm watching a movie of it in my mind.

    I also love the contrast you use with your lips being "so much smaller" though it fits "securely." And again in the next two lines with the "cold" and the "heat." This is a technique I often try to use, but fail to do it so effectively.

    I love your simile choice. Again, simple, but it fits in well.

    And when you get into the end it gets more intense. The words get longer but the flow never changes. The longer words show that there is more to it and you get that feeling when you read it. Each word pours into the next with efficiency urging the reader on.

    And I love the closing. It makes you think a lot about the whole piece.

    Very well done. 5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by Dark Secrets

    This one tickled my senses, there is passion in every line and it drives you to read the rest, you've got a great flow of words here and although it's short it says it all and makes you feel it all.
    Great write 5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by kylexthexmagnificent

    Wow i really love this. it is really amazing. fer real, :D