I Wish (A Thousand More)

Deep emotions. A wish I can relate to.

MaryAnne,*

As Yaki said your poetry is so very mature, I read it often but as you post so many poems at once I began to lose the poems that I really wanted to comment on amongst the bunch. Perhaps now the new tools on the site will allow me to go back and comment. This piece is one I've read of yours several times and I must say it's my favourite from you over the last few months, the emotion is deep but the ideas behind the poem are what I'm most fond of.

You definitely used some archaic language, especially in the sentence "we make warm the night" I do understand why it was written this way, you write with an old soul and because of that an older style of language appears in your work. I've noticed it through several of your pieces.

I was most fond of the third stanza, I didn't feel it needed to be bracketed however, it was a separate stanza and while I do understand why you did it as I said it just wasn't necessary. This stanza however had my favourite imagery and concepts. Such a romantic essence with the idea of wishing on penny shaped stars and dying light bulbs. Even though the poem itself is a sad one it's still has that vintage romanticism going on.

I enjoyed the repetition of "I wish the days were longer" or "I wish the nights were longer" too often we pray or wish for more time, we need it for whatever reason, be it to get something done, to live longer etc. Everyone can relate to these wishes.

Again the last stanza, didn't feel the brackets were necessary but those romantic qualities were evident which were extremely beautiful. Great use of rhetorical questions too.

-Mel

I think you have penned another tender poem . flawless in the effort to say whats on your mind and heart. Good job

"We make warm the night,"

Love, wouldn't this read better

"We make the night warm,"
or

"we could make the night warm"

But that just me being a little picky
because I think it reads better that way.
sometimes,
I think I overlook your poetry and I deserve a big slap in the face for that.

sometimes I forget that you're the youngest m&m.
your poetry is most certainly mature.

I love the tone here,
from what I gather here I believe this is
about being more than friends?..
I think so..

"waiting for our love to reach new depths."

Either ways,
I've read this about 3 times already
and I just keep falling more inlove with this
specially that first stanza
it kills me.

Beautiful work darling, beautiful.

Wow.. at first I thought I was listening to A Thousand... for Christina Perri!

but then, it reads you, you have incorporated some deep emotions. a great piece MaryAnne! Love the title, too!