When you fall in love with your poems

by Saerelune   Nov 29, 2013


Words fall into a pool
of pride, spatters
on your face, like
blood after murder,
heart sliced in halves

now

drown.

29-11-2013
11:18 PM

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Latest Comments

  • 10 years ago

    by Britt

    Judges comment:

    What a vivid piece of poetry. The use of the word spatters is really interesting, like a patterned toss. There seems like such anger here, rather than a sadness like I read through the first time. This poem is definitely feeling like an attack, and the ending makes me feel like the writer has written so many poems about a person.. and they want that person to read them. Perhaps then they'd understand? Intriguing poem

  • 10 years ago

    by Everlasting

    Then pencil calls 911.
    Sirens and ambulances
    compete against traffic lights.
    Too late, pen turns into a safeguard
    dives in, secures them

    but words die in its grasp.

    --- Your poem is so sad, but it is the truth. I love brevity by the way. And you are really good at it. Hannah is also good. May be you two could do a collab? :]

  • 10 years ago

    by Justanothertwit

    I picture an extremely intense argument (or messy breakup) where one person was clearly armed with vicious words and had the intent to 'kill' with them.

    I really like the line "Spatters on your face" it gives the feeling that the other person couldn't fight back, that you wouldn't let them because you made the last strike

    It feels very vivid.

  • 10 years ago

    by Sincuna

    Loved the idea here, especially the splashing of blood on the face after murder. The imagery is grippling and very vivid. And the way it attaches a symbolic meaning for author and the creation of one's work makes it more impactful. I'd use the word "spatter" than splash though, it's more fitting. :)

  • 10 years ago

    by Mahal Ko Kuya Ko

    This is an awesome piece :))) I love the title and everything :))) Yeah... Sometimes we drown when we let ourselves swimming in the the pool of pride.

    --- MKKK

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