Brainstorm

I love how u told a story nice job

Resplendent!!!

Oh my gosh (god) whatever you prefer, this piece is amazing. You really blew me away with this write.

She fell in love like the
way you slip into dreams:
unhurried,
drifting and sifting
through moonlit brainstorms
until finally,
her pillow soothed her
insecurities all at once.

^^The introduction is fantastic! You really caught my attention here and you had the most eloquent way of saying something so common. And your use of metaphor/similes is very well shown.

But as quickly as the day
he chiseled poetry into
her virgin heart,
he stretched the open
wound left in her chest
like clay,
sculpting blisters onto
the feet of bitterness.

^^ Wow, that's really all I can think to say to this piece, I mean you said it perfectly. You used some of the most unique and vivid imagery I've seen... (not that that means much but its still phenomenal.)

She burned midnight oil
until the vault of heaven
screamed for her,
initialing claw marks
on everything she tried
to let go of -

^^ I like the flow of this stanza, it could honestly stand as a poem alone and it would be amazing, and within this piece it just helps the overall wow, pop effect.

falling in love
with the vision of
falling out.

^^Excellent way to end the piece, so simple so amazing. I absolutely adore this.

Over all your piece is so great, everything flows wonderfully like silk and the words you chose are so perfect in their simple little stranded lines looped in their exquisite stanzas and tied together in a very gorgeous bow as one single poem. I love this and honestly I had to read the piece like 10 times before I could think of anything to say besides WOW! because this is just that good.

Sometimes I find your poems hard to leave detailed comments on because there is little or nothing I can add, only to say well done. This is one such poem, really. There are far more things that I like in it than I don't. I think a lot of it is your excellent way of wording, which is present across your work. Rarely is a description boring, and image unoriginal or a metaphor awkward. You just give the reader enough but don't spoon feed them so that they get a sense of what the poem is about but they have to work a little too and investigate different possible meanings.

Ok, enough of the flattery, here comes the criticism! Well it is relative criticism as there are maybe 2 aspects of this poem that aren't up to your usual high standard in my opinion, but I am quite nit-picky. Anyway, the first is this:

'her pillow soothed her
insecurities all at once.'
^^
It works fine but... It doesn't grab me the way the previous lines have. It seems somewhat irrelevant or over-done when you consider the next line you are back to feeling insecure. I'm not sure if the insecurities can be solved so completely as seemed in this line, so easily. Maybe something like this would have a similar but better effect:

'Her pillow seemed to sooth
her insecurities.'
^^
'Seemed' her gives the impression of hindsight: that that is what she felt at the time but she knows it doesn't last. I think it would lead into the next stanza more effectively this way. The 'all at once' part I could take or leave.

'sculpting blisters onto
the feet of bitterness'
^^
Again this works well and is interesting in its own way, it just wasn't my favourite line. Mentioning bitterness seems... to obvious? Too telling? I think there may be a better way to express the feeling here rather than mentioning the word so exactly (even though it is presented originally). You don't want the poem to be too cryptic either, but if you were looking for things to change in the poem, this could be a place to fiddle around with a bit.

I really like the opening few lines, excellent descriptions that grab my attention. The ending is strong too and the reader gets a good insight into the struggle of the speaker. I think that rhyme was used cleverly too: Not to a specific scheme but it is dropped in here and there effectively and help the poems rhythm. All in all, a really good read, good stuff.

I feel foolish even commenting on this...because I have no idea what today . I'm very much in love with your metaphors and that is what I always tell you. You can always seem to pen metaphors in a way no one one on this site does and I think I've figure it out. You start with a metaphor and carry it's theme through the whole poem. It's amazing....and to be inspired through a simple line from a book.

Mastered it. Awesome.