Forget You

Wow this is incredible, and beautifully written!!!

I loved the emotions this poem evoked. Definitely one of your best. Keep up the awesome imagery!

This is such a great poem. The theme of helplessness in the face of love is one I see so often in my life.
"Desperately I'd want to say no
But my dress was already
starting to look like a wedding gown"
I love these lines, as they show both the reluctance and the inevitability of unwanted love. There is great imagery and flow. Overall a poignant poem.

I think this is a stronger poem from you... the flow seems smoother as well.

Just a few suggestions:

"Guards were put by our sides"
- Use a more powerful verb other than "were put", which doesn't give impact.

"Children running around"
- Kind of a dull image. I want to know what the children looked like, what sounds they made, etc?

"Oh how it all turned to ash,"
- This line really gives a more sorrowful tone. Maybe experiment with punctuation a bit or put this line in parenthesis or dashes to show it like it's inner dialogue?

Also noticed throughout the poem you use a few commas, so your poem has punctuation, but there are some lines I feel you could add a semi-colon or period. I think you can made a decision whether to have punctuation or completely take out punctuation, one or the other.

I like when writers ask questions in their pieces, and it's more thoughtful for the reader, but don't be afraid to put those in quotes or separate lines to add more emphasis.

Fabulous piece of work you have written. I can feel your emotion here. x