Forget You

by -Choke-On-MY-Halo-   Jul 9, 2014


Dimensions of love we created
Castles floating in the sky
Guards were put by our sides
Children running around
Oh how it all turned to ash,

365 days of endless suffering
The depression took control
of my body
The soul didn't want to deal
with it anymore!
Looking at blades & knowing I couldn't
Just rain falling for a year
You wanted a way out
But why did you turn my life
upside down?

I would try to move on
Yet a song would always
play
& I'd smile knowing it was ours
But then Depression would court me
Asking if He could have a chance
Desperately I'd want to say no
But my dress was already
starting to look like a wedding gown

If the end to this suffering meant
I'd have to drink wine
Then gladly I'd swallow it down
Every day, every night
In an effort to forget you
My love

1


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Latest Comments

  • 8 years ago

    by Lauren

    Wow this is incredible, and beautifully written!!!

  • 8 years ago

    by Sarah Day

    I loved the emotions this poem evoked. Definitely one of your best. Keep up the awesome imagery!

  • 9 years ago

    by Sandstorm

    This is such a great poem. The theme of helplessness in the face of love is one I see so often in my life.
    "Desperately I'd want to say no
    But my dress was already
    starting to look like a wedding gown"
    I love these lines, as they show both the reluctance and the inevitability of unwanted love. There is great imagery and flow. Overall a poignant poem.

  • 9 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I think this is a stronger poem from you... the flow seems smoother as well.

    Just a few suggestions:

    "Guards were put by our sides"
    - Use a more powerful verb other than "were put", which doesn't give impact.

    "Children running around"
    - Kind of a dull image. I want to know what the children looked like, what sounds they made, etc?

    "Oh how it all turned to ash,"
    - This line really gives a more sorrowful tone. Maybe experiment with punctuation a bit or put this line in parenthesis or dashes to show it like it's inner dialogue?

    Also noticed throughout the poem you use a few commas, so your poem has punctuation, but there are some lines I feel you could add a semi-colon or period. I think you can made a decision whether to have punctuation or completely take out punctuation, one or the other.

    I like when writers ask questions in their pieces, and it's more thoughtful for the reader, but don't be afraid to put those in quotes or separate lines to add more emphasis.

  • 9 years ago

    by Em

    Fabulous piece of work you have written. I can feel your emotion here. x

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