Red Love
by -Choke-On-MY-Halo- Aug 14, 2019
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over and under through the lies I make my way through the night grabbing you by the throat I'll stick you with this knife so that you'll never see the light |
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Latest Comments
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4 years ago
I can't decide if the lack of punctuation worked in this or if it could have been strengthened (in my opinion) with it. It's not that it's any harder to read per se, but it's a fast read. The lack of punctuation works for the first line because it's so abrupt and threatening. You have had enough with this person's lies and you want the truth. The second line, too, is almost gushing, this animal-like call for their love, even if it tears and devours you.
I did like the format of this poem, but perhaps for the slower parts of the last line, there could have been punctuation. As you are wanting this love to hush as you command them to relax into you.
An intriguing piece no doubt, and you write dark/fantasy pieces well! -
4 years agoby Em (marmite)
Do glad this is nominated...
