The Act of Watching

by Everlasting   Mar 31, 2015


On the waterway,
a white heron observes clouds
And while passing by,
a couple sees the water
reflect over the heron

Written by L.L

Different versions

On the waterway,
a white heron observes clouds,
And while passing by,
a couple watches the heron;
still, reflecting over water.

Written by: L.L.

11:01 am 3/31/2015

On the waterway,
a white heron watches clouds,
And while passing by,
a couple watches the water;
still, reflects the white heron.

Or

On the waterway,
a white heron watches clouds,
And while holding hands,
a couple watches the water;
still, reflecting the heron.

    report violation
1


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Hmmm...each one gives a picture for the reader to see in fact I agree with Daishel it feels like everything is been watched!

  • 9 years ago

    by Mahal Ko Kuya Ko

    You make everything being watched here .. Haha .. Everything is interellated in a way or another (:

    --- MKKK

  • 9 years ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    I like the top version best.

    Also, if you drop "the" & ";" from line four it's a perfect tanka:
    - first the syllable count,
    - more importantly "the" unnecessarily directs the reader while ";" causes a stop where it should flow.
    Also, "and" [line 3] does not usually need a semicolon to proceed it.

Read All Comments (4)

More Poems By Everlasting

People Who Liked This Also Liked