Heavy, Part I

by Poet on the Piano   Jan 13, 2019


I can't tell if something's
changing in me or if it's the
false sense of security.
Here, I breathe winter tones
but it's barely snowed,
no ashes of sorrow,
no illusion that
my past self is buried -
the air is springlike
and even birds sing
as they travel by sunlight.
Plants still grow and
the soul is still rich.

My lungs should be joyful
at this miracle season
that does not smother
my breath
but I wake up feeling
disconnected,
somehow infected,
like this world is not
one I know how to command.
Because everything is distorted,
even January smiles and flirts
despite knowing what's to come.

And I don't want to stay
or feel the earth soften below
yet I have no desire to leave,
fearing what I can't guarantee

so I circle these same chipped walls
with the same periwinkle paint
and dusty corners,
waiting for my mind to release me.

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Latest Comments

  • 5 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Wow, heavy by title heavy by words! What a powerful poem and I know you have taken parts of my own heart in here and described some of the pain and some of the thoughts I have had many times over!

    I think it is fitting that I have found this now because it reads even January smiles and flirts, knowing what is to come, and right now that’s exactly how I feel. Especially given the normal January blues but then with COVID on top and an uncertain future it can be a very dark month to get through!

    Fantastic work here on this one !

  • 7 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Stunning! Loved it. Milly x

  • 7 years ago

    by Ya----Na

    It deserves a front page too
    Excellent!

  • 7 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    I think this just about deserves a nomination... :)

    Excellent work, MA

  • 7 years ago

    by D.

    A lot of poignancy here, and it’s a wonderfully familiar poem. The idea of not belonging, of stagnancy, of the world in its motions whilst some are left bewildered, lost in its predictability. I get a lot of frustration here too, the fear and anxiety, and it’s a really ‘human’ piece that beckons a few reads. Really enjoyed this. I can relate so much.

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