Whispers and Replies

by Star   Feb 21, 2019


She calmly approached him,
while he was carving a wooden bird.
“What does your pen mean to you?”
she politely asked.
His answer was silence,
she turned back and walked away.
He lifted his head and fixed his gaze on her,
as her silhouette slowly disappeared.

Like an old lady dragging her feet,
she came closer to him.
With a shaky voice, she asked:
“What does the world mean to you?”
Not noticing she already left,
he answered:
“The world is a book full of words,
with each sunrise the sun bleeds some.”
Chills went down his spine,
not knowing the reason why
he let it pass by.

She called him from within his heart,
but he couldn’t hear her voice.
He opened a cage,
let a dove fly away,
and waved at it goodbye.
Then he said:
“I am a writer who strangled his work,
now it’s time to rest in peace.”

*I am not sure when exactly I wrote this, but it was more than a year ago.

6


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Latest Comments

  • 1 year ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I liked your voice in this and the narrative. I almost feel like this would make a good short story? It seems daunting and also something like a parable, with a deeper message where this man silenced his youth and his potential only to realize in solitude, he gave up on the world and didn't have the effect he could have.

    I'm not sure, but this interested me a lot. It's a bit vague in places but I liked the direction you took. I kind of feel like this would read better as prose and given a bit more detail and backstory but this was so neat still, not what was I expecting!

    • 1 year ago

      by Star

      When I wrote this (Like a year and a half ago) I was having a hard time adjusting to somethings, and at the same time I was devasted that I couldn’t write as I used to, to express my feelings.

      Sharing this here made me realize too many things I wouldn’t have realized otherwise. I’ve been having so much feedback, which I’ve been waiting for since long time.

      Thank you so much, I really do mean it ^_*

  • 1 year ago

    by ddavidd

    To Me this piece is a sign of a big talent, but too raw. the rawness adds to it attraction, for the medium, but for me is a promise that did not deliver. The scale that it wants to cover is very wast, it doesn't close the circle. It needs huge poetical ability, skill and experience to deliver on a big scale like this. I am sure oneday you recognize that and finish this wonderful masterpiece that you started.

    Only my opinion. Don't take it serious. I don't.

    • 1 year ago

      by Star

      Thank you for your honesty. I see this as encouragement, you won’t be saying this if you don’t want to see more from me. If I do complete the masterpiece as you say, I hope you’ll be there too see it:)

  • 1 year ago

    by Adreamer

    "She calmly approached him,
    while he was carving a wooden bird.
    “What does your pen mean to you?”

    ^I love this! And the way you used dialogue while still remaining extremely poetic in style and voice was incredible. You definitely have done well with the storytelling here also. All in all this is an amazing write, thank you for sharing!

    • 1 year ago

      by Star

      Thank you for reading :)

  • 1 year ago

    by Daniel

    I enjoy the dialogue in this, it really carries the poem. The verbs you’ve used could be a little stronger in places. I always feel the more adverbs you use, the more your verbs need ‘upgrading’. Not a massive criticism, but in narrative driven poetry, the way the characters act, and do things is a little more vital. Strong piece regardless :)

    • 1 year ago

      by Star

      Thank you! This is an interesting criticism that could be taken into consideration when wtiting something new!!!

  • 1 year ago

    by Michael

    Interesting piece S.T.A.R. I enjoyed reading this, well done :) M

    • 1 year ago

      by Star

      Thank you!!

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