Desiccation

by Star   May 14, 2019


Her strained veins
pressed
from underneath her
fine skin,
while her parched cheeks
were unable to
withstand
her propitious smile.

Her rough
tangled eyelashes
became bars enclosing
her eyes
within a
dark dungeon.
Her few tears barely
escaping,
to an inevitable fate of
evaporation.

So... she prayed for rain...

7


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 2 months ago

    by hiraeth

    The title drew me in, and the first stanza floored me.

    "Her strained veins
    pressed
    from underneath her
    fine skin,"

    Being able to see veins through ones skins paints an alarming image, a a woman's veins being very pronounced, something akin to an autumn leaf. Veins carry blood, the essence of life so using that to convey vulnerability is appropriate.

    "while her parched cheeks
    were unable to
    withstand
    her propitious smile."

    Even in a dire situation, the subject still is able to smile with hope - a testament to their character. It also offers the readers some relief since they know the subject is not admitting defeat.

    "Her rough
    tangled eyelashes
    became bars enclosing
    her eyes
    within a
    dark dungeon."

    I absolutely love the imagery of eyelashes becoming a prison. Some say the eyes are windows to the soul, so this saying in addition to what you wrote creates a harrowing image of a person being held captive on the inside.

    "Her few tears barely
    escaping,
    to an inevitable fate of
    evaporation."

    'the inevitable fate of evaporation' fits into my theory that the subject is facing internal struggles and it's a matter of time before they run themselves dry.

    'So... she prayed for rain...'

    and this sounds like a plea of reprieve, waiting on something external to fix or at least momentarily resuscitate the subject.

    I really enjoyed this piece, you have a unique way of writing and unique imagery to match :)

    • 2 months ago

      by Star

      You got it completely right with this one :)
      Thank you Mark!!

  • 5 months ago

    by naaz

    I guess I am not the same person anymore. So forgive me, Can't leave huge comments.

    Would like to see this poem on the front page along with Ben's masterpiece, Her milk was sour.

    All the best!

    • 5 months ago

      by Star

      You dont have to apologize for that:)
      Thank you so much for the nomination, it is enough for me!!

  • 5 months ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Superb visuals a powerful write indeed. Milly x

    • 5 months ago

      by Star

      Thaaank youuuu :)

  • 5 months ago

    by The Poet Behind The Poems

    such a deep and personal pen I feel like you gave everything in this piece

    Her rough
    tangled eyelashes
    became bars enclosing
    her eyes
    within a
    dark dungeon.

    ^^^^^^

    this was an astounding few words Ive never seen eyelashes used in this way.
    I thought it was brilliant

    • 5 months ago

      by Star

      Thank you so much, that’s what poets do dont they? We create new images that never existed ^_^

  • 5 months ago

    by Michael

    Such a deep and personal piece of writing. I could feel that urge for rain:) M

    • 5 months ago

      by Star

      Thank you Micheal!!

People Who Liked This Also Liked