by Star   Jul 19, 2019

like the
yellow and
white stripes on the
road, and how they blend
with all the shades of gray.

like the
textures and all
the colors of the
brownish ugly dirt.

like the
patches of
the brown, yellow
and green grasses mixed
as one in a canvas.

like the
pale blue sky,
the white fluffy
clouds, and the golden
sun bright burning my eyes.

...but I hate sunglasses

*I was going to write a chained etheree, butI decided to stop at the sixth line


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Latest Comments

  • 10 months ago

    by Daniel

    This is quite clever, STAR. There’s something childlike about the ‘I like’ repetition that I’m not sure about yet, but it feels like you started writing it with a different end product in mind but decided to improvise.

    I find the inspiration behind this quite witty. I’m not sure I’ve seen a poem that criticises sunglasses before so I commend you for that! I feel you could’ve been a little more descriptive? I’m not suggesting you turn it into some overly verbose collection of adjectives, definitely not, but repetition of ‘brown’ and ‘yellow’ could be improved? The second stanza, stands out a bit for this reason too. ‘Brownish ugly dirt’ is a little clumsy for me.

    ‘the golden
    sun bright burning my eyes.’
    Should be ‘the bright golden sun burning my eyes’?

    I agree with Lucero. Your flow is getting better! And I very much liked the idea behind this poem. :)

  • 10 months ago

    by Everlasting

    I do t know if your aim was for us readers to visualize how you were seeing when wearing sunglasses?

    I couldn’t get that imagine. I don’t know what type of sunglasses you were wearing but it would have been cool if just by reading your descriptions, I could tell you you were wearing brown shade sunglasses or ... lol.

    I do like the images created in each of the stanzas.
    Oh and the flow of the poem. Your flow is getting better.

    • 10 months ago

      by Star

      What I meant is that I don't like sunglasses that cover all the beautiful colors.
      And thaaankkkk you soo much. I am happy you remember how I used to write ^_^

  • 10 months ago

    by Ben Pickard

    And why would you put sunglasses on which only blunt all those wonderful visuals you clearly notice? Not sure if that's what you were getting at with the last line, but that's how I received it!
    Love this.

    All the best as ever, STAR

    • 10 months ago

      by Star

      Yes that’s what I meant, and this is a double meaning poem :)
      Thank you Ben as ever!!

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