Berserk (Collaboration with Noura)

by Daniel   Aug 6, 2019


I still find comfort
in the way you run your fingers
through my hair until I sleep.

It's that voice again:
your breath on my neck, the soothing
rhythm of your ribcage ebbing
and flowing as your arms
pull me closer, our bodies.
moving in perfect undulation.

Yet, there are wooden boards on the
windows that fracture morning’s
light across my naked back
as I wake.

I look in the mirror,
I’m almost beautiful
I almost forget.

“But your shirt doesn't
always hide
the bruises as you plan,
does it?”

In the morning,
the door slams shut.
I leap like a startled cat,
cowering in my own shadow.

It's that voice again:
cracked joints, broken collarbone,
frenzied heartbeats,
fists grabbing shoulders,
knees shaking with terror,
I sink into the corner,
don’t scream,
don’t scream,
don’t make a fuss -

You throw me away.

I rearrange the furniture;
fix the mirror, myself,
I almost forget.
I can’t forget.

-

Sometimes, it feels like
you like to beat the things you love
the most about me.

5


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Latest Comments

  • 2 months ago

    by Em (marmite)

    I totally get this... It's extremely chilling and well as deep as potp's comment is, it's correct... Leaving a toxic relationship is not ever far from easy tbh you know you need to, you know you have to but things stop you not just the fear of what they'll do but somewhat the fear of what you'll become without them.... It's f....ing tough!! X

  • 2 months ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    You know those moments where a poem has more heart, emotion and conflict than you can possibly comment on? This was chill-inducing. I've seen and heard too many people not understand how difficult it can be to leave a toxic, emotionally,physically or mentally abusive relationship. It's more than realizing your self-worth, it's more than "oh, just be strong, just be more courageous, just have some respect for yourself". It's far more personal than most people realize. Especially when a deeper relationship is built with that person, something lovely at first or lovely at times, so there is a hope that it won't always be like this, won't always be this bad. Loving ourselves is a lengthy, uneven journey and there are no words for when we try to accept ourselves only to be brought down by others in extreme (or even small) ways. No, a person can't just pick themselves back up on command, not when a relationship can convince you there is still hope for love then suddenly convince you that you are unworthy or undeserving.

    Those last three lines are absolutely shattering. I feel this person trying somehow to understand, to wonder is this what love is? Are there moments like this I must sacrifice, will this be better than the alternative?

    You two are brilliant, I just.... ugh <3

  • 2 months ago

    by Daniel

    Note: Noura’s profile https://www.poems-and-quotes.com/poets/475150

    She really turned this poem into something quite incredible.

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