Paradox.

by Poet on the Piano   Jan 1, 2020


I rarely cry anymore,
but when I do, it's when
you're fast asleep and the wind
echoes the cries I wish I
had the strength to
tend to.

You know how I feel about
milestones,
how each new month,
each new year
is a reminder of a time
where I tried to end
everything,
and somehow
held on to
remnants
of who I could be.
Though I am often
a stranger
with a similar name,
I still dream of
finding closure
with the rotted
parts of me.

Celebrating is never
a natural act;
I could never be
disingenuous with you.
You know all too well
how my chest constricts
and I want to
regress,
though I've come so far,
conquered the most
difficult trails
that have left my spine
bleeding.

I know you won't ask
me to ring in the new year
if I'm not ready.
Each day, the future
becomes more uncertain,
the ledge that much closer,
the ocean that much
hungrier
yet I
choose to stay;
knowing you
give me the comfort
to be
the courage I need.

    report violation
6


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Latest Comments

  • 4 years ago

    by Star

    Judging Comment:

    The first time I read this, i found myself crying, and I’m not the type who cries easily. I connected with the poem, and it was like I have submitted to myself.
    MA was addressing someone as “you”, and for me personally it wasn’t a person she was addressing. Because when I read it with my voice, it was life.
    Genuinely, thank you for sharing!!

  • 4 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    An emotional write that depicts well of the internal battle felt by many. Some ingenious insightful descriptive prose that will resonate with anyone who has faced similar demons. Milly x

  • 4 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Personally, I don't believe any of us are without 'rotten' parts, but some are just more sensitive to them and thus, have to acknowledge them. But surviving the act of acknowledging them makes you stronger than most, MA. Those who are tough, perhaps, never suffer depression. But those who are truly strong suffer it and survive it anyway.
    Happy new year and all the best as ever,

    Ben

    • 4 years ago

      by Poet on the Piano

      So well said, Ben. Thank you, sincerely. Happy New Year to you as well!

  • 4 years ago

    by Tanya Southey

    Such strength and sadness.

    Love this line -

    Though I am often
    a stranger
    with a similar name

    Well done

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