little bird.
by Poet on the Piano May 17, 2020
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you drew me like a tattoo; |
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Latest Comments
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3 years ago
by D.
This is gorgeous Maryanne. Like a lot of your poems, it is incredibly vulnerable and open, but your use of language is always confident. I felt like you wrote this quickly, and not because it seems rushed, just I feel like you were trying to quickly capture this stark feeling.
The idea of being 'like' a tattoo is an interesting one, as it pertains to permanence, but in this case 'was' suggests this persona still lingers on the skin, even though the relationship is over. This idea is reinforced in the passing of Spring.
The only part I wasn't so sure about was 'transported to your lips' as it comes across a little clumsy, and it's usually used in the passive? Transported is just a little too general in the context of the poem.
It's a beautiful piece of writing. One that I have too many thoughts about and not enough time to express them at this moment!-
3 years ago
You are so spot on, Daniel! Thank you, tremendously. I did write this quickly, as sometimes I feel if I don't capture everything and instead try to come back later, it's forced and not in the spirit of my initial thoughts. I wrote this while listening to the song "Little Bird" by Goldfrapp, a song my friend and I shared a love of awhile ago and is still nostalgic to me.
And yes, I actually hesitated over "transported" after posting, because it didn't seem like the perfect word. I think I can find something better and more fitting.
Thank you again!
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