as your spirit seeks
solitude in a scarred
universe, where celestial
souls stand sentinel to the void
beneath supernal constellations;
while meteors radiate maps for you.
*I rewrote a poem I wrote eight years ago. It was challenging, I hope it turned out good!!
Very neat to go back and rewrite a poem, and I would not find that easy either! Etherees are one of my favorite forms. I loved the alliteration here, and don't know how intentional that was, but I didn't expect that. I think "where celestial souls stand sentinel to the void" was your best line. Something about it just clicked; it felt right, flowed right. Watching the void, a sense of protection, of being a guardian. But I also can't get over "while meteors radiate maps for you". That line felt very fresh too, and your word choice was STELLAR (see what I did there?!). You packed so much in this piece, keeping the theme and offering consolation to whoever reads it, whether we are wandering spirits or just searching for answers in a world that is burdened down by much of what we cannot control. My only criticism is directed toward the first half really, which I felt is not as strong. "starless" and "secluded", while different, seemed too similar and wordy side by side. Also, "your spirit seek solitude", would read better having "seek" be plural.