Stellar (Etheree)

by Star   Oct 14, 2020


Clouds
embrace
a starless
secluded sky,
as your spirit seeks
solitude in a scarred
universe, where celestial
souls stand sentinel to the void
beneath supernal constellations;
while meteors radiate maps for you.

*I rewrote a poem I wrote eight years ago. It was challenging, I hope it turned out good!!

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  • 4 weeks ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    I do like these forms. You've made a good job of it, too! It's like a ghostly cosmos.

    Take care X

    • 4 weeks ago

      by Star

      Thank you :)

  • 1 month ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Very neat to go back and rewrite a poem, and I would not find that easy either! Etherees are one of my favorite forms. I loved the alliteration here, and don't know how intentional that was, but I didn't expect that. I think "where celestial souls stand sentinel to the void" was your best line. Something about it just clicked; it felt right, flowed right. Watching the void, a sense of protection, of being a guardian. But I also can't get over "while meteors radiate maps for you". That line felt very fresh too, and your word choice was STELLAR (see what I did there?!). You packed so much in this piece, keeping the theme and offering consolation to whoever reads it, whether we are wandering spirits or just searching for answers in a world that is burdened down by much of what we cannot control. My only criticism is directed toward the first half really, which I felt is not as strong. "starless" and "secluded", while different, seemed too similar and wordy side by side. Also, "your spirit seek solitude", would read better having "seek" be plural.

    Glad you shared this with us :)

    • 1 month ago

      by Star

      That poem was really bad lol, I know this needs more work ^_^
      Also what do you mean by a plural seek?
      Thank you so much for reading <3

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