I know I've read this poem before, but I thought I commented on it. I agree with MA about the second last verse being a bit jolting. But that said I really love this poem, it's so surreal, like it reads from a fantasy book / fairy-tale. I love the idea of the moon being brighter than the sun - it's telling that the character/speaker's way more familiar and intimate with night, suffering from insomnia perhaps, all the while being reinforced by chamomile tea.
I read this last night and couldn't find the right words to comment, and again, I have a lot of thoughts on this so please excuse my ramblings :)
First of all, chamomile tea is my go-to at night! Although, you could always get decaf Earl Grey (since Mr. Darcy mentioned his favorite is Earl Grey), but I usually alternate between lavender chamomile or this honey lemon chamomile I have. Peppermint is also nice in the winter. I can rarely go to sleep without that tea and a few chapters of a book beforehand.
Secondly, this poem felt different, in the right ways. I was surprised by the images and it felt kind of magical.
The concept of the shadow in her closet not just knowing sleep, but tasting it?? Brilliant.
Also, painting in the dark yet having the reflection of the moon, or her painting the moon, nevertheless, there's a luminous presence there.
I adore the question of the paint or her spirit refusing to rest - perhaps it is both of them, working together to keep the night alive and the dream alive.
I have one critique, but I'm not entirely sure how to phrase it or offer a better way.
"The clock on her wall
after 12:00 am;
she did not need music
to keep herself entertained."
- This took me out of the flow of the poem upon the first few reads. The sudden tense change wasn't that jolting, but maybe the "she did not need music" could flow better as "she does not need music"? I'm not sure. I also feel like there were quite a few uses of "was", due to the phrasing, that hindered the poem's flow. Again, it's entirely up to you, I would just be careful of the use of "was". Even a dash could suffice instead, but that was simply my initial read-through, that the use of "was" made it seem a bit clunky at times or like it could be phrased to use fewer words.
I love the final line because it still sends me a bit of fantasy vibes, something alluring, mysterious. The magic isn't disappearing now, it's being lifted, it's gaining momentum, it's awakened.
You dont know how much I loved you comment.
Let me explain, for some reason I was really focusing on grammar for this poem so I did so many edits. Believe it or not the did you mentioned was originally does, and there are two consecutive lines that started with was one of which originally did not as well, it's the part that Mr. Darcy mentioned the "was" was an is. They were bothering me.
Thank you so much for your honest feedback, that means a lot to me.
Please, always feel free to do so ^_^
Personally, I like a cup of Earl Grey. But, Chamomile tea would certainly suit the lonely yet special hour this poem is set. You've painted a lovely, restful image that, I'm sure, will be widely appreciated. In stanza 3, I feel a full stop after "brighter than the sun" is needed, as it allows the reader to fully digest just how bright that moon was, before the question of paint vs spirituality.