Guardian angel

Love this, Em.

I often lay awake at night
somewhat due to insomnia
other times because
monsters plague my mind.

^

Me too. And while you hint at the reason being one or the other, I often wonder if they are one and the same: is insomnia caused in so many people by the monsters in their heads? That works the other way round too, if you think about it. Anyway, I would perhaps edit 'somewhat' in those lines as it sounds unnecessary there. Your choice, naturally.

I wonder how I'll be remembered
when I die -
I'd have been dead long ago if I wasn't squeamish.

^^

Me too! Although, to the ones departed at least, it is largely irrelevant. Good last line. I assume you allude to self harm and the blood caused? Awful, but clever wording.

I wonder if you're my guardian angel
but surely you'd have given me some respite
or are you doing this to prove how strong I am?

^^
Someone gone or still present? Not sure up to this point. The very best guardian angels would only want the very best for us. The easy road isn't always the right one, and all that. My guess is, if you think they are there, they are and doing all they can to support you in the best way possible.

I wonder If I'll be remembered for years to come,
like you
or will I be mourned by few?
I'd rather the latter as least
they'd be an honest bunch.

^^

We have the answer here then. They have passed and have, as they are still doing, had a huge effect on people's lives. Sometimes when people are so great in life, their presence lingers long after by sheer force of will almost. An extremely self-deprecating end to those few lines and that's actually an indirect contradiction to the statement itself. Modesty is a valuable commodity, Em. Too much of it, however, can be hugely self destructive. * "as AT least they'd be an honest bunch".

The mind plays wonderful tricks doesn't it?
Like now,

I wonder if loss of peripheral vision
is saving me from what I could see
in the future....

If so, I thank you guardian angel

^^

Looks like he/she has come good in the end, doesn't it? Focus on the here and now - day by day, hour by hour - and the peripheries become largely irrelevant.

Take care, Em.

I particularly liked these lines,

"...or will I be mourned by few?
I'd rather the latter as least
they'd be an honest bunch."

It gave me pause to consider the relationships I'm prioritizing. Nice write.

I think your guardian angel is called, 'Squeamish'
Em, your writing has matured/ improved in recent months. I find wisdom in your reflections that I find moving. That's the essence of poetry, evoking an emotional response.
I for one am glad you're squeamish. X