Rose Bed

Hello Ben,

I always like seeing new poems from you. Being, like you, a lover of meter i always read your work aloud. I notice that there are 5 and 1/2 iambs or sometimes 6. I m sure you have purposefully written it this way. My only issue is that when i read it, i stumble over the words. This maybe my issue and i need to hear the beat. As i write this, this could be the enjambement, but still i find myself tripping over my own tongue. Ben, please tell me your thoughts on this piece as i am sure once i do, i will love this all the more.

For fun, i have offered an alternative 1st stanza:

Never was I the one to keep you warm
Or stop the creek freezing between your banks
I failed to stop your sails from being torn
(Even) stopping our lined defence from breaking ranks
^
This is 6 beats, but, to be honest, i struggled a bit here!

All the best Ben, i look forward to your reply :)

Hi Ben, I like the title to me it screams love but I'm not so sure (here on my phone I don't get to see the joys of what things are posted under) anyway I say this purely because it reminds me of the bon jovi song bed of roses, which I love.. Why I'm not so sure but I digress.
This first stanza oozes with sadness and regret from, I'm guessing, self doubt of you not being able to keep this person happy so maybe they went elsewhere or maybe it's just the simplicity that you doubted yourself so much that even though you didn't think you could do any of this, you actually could it was just you seeing through anything but Rose tinted glasses, so to speak. I love how you use the metaphors of the freezing banks, sails from tearing and breaking ranks. Excellent stuff.
In stanze 2 there are more saddening realisations but I like that you seemingly tried and tried but nothing seemed to work.. Not many people try at relationships these and my goodness some aren't worth it but I'll give you your due on here (I digress) the warmth of the spring (especially this one) could save no-one, if only it could eh? That "and dies with all the things I swore to you" what a right kick in the gut!
Personally, I think stanza 3 is the strongest of all of them in this, the rhyming and the metre seem to be quite tight in this which I love. I love this that you're saying no matter what's gone on between us, here's your olive branch take it if you will, if you don't want it then tough but remember I'm only human, I tried my best and here, it didn't seem to be good enough unfortunately but so be it as he saying goes what doesn't kill us makes us stronger don't you think? It so states that you shouldn't keep oveethinking because the past is the past for a reason and it's the truth albeit extremely hard to do on occasions. I absolutely love the phrase "winter's dregs" that's my favourite of all and I think if you don't mind I may make an acrostic using that and credit you.

Take care as ever Ben,
Much love x

I actually have some criticism regarding this piece, which I rarely do for your poetry, and I hope you don't mind! The first stanza felt the strongest and the most fluid. The admission right away of not being able to provide that warmth, no matter if you can still be provide some type of comfort, you are not the main source, the main shelter. That initially filled me with a sadness, but there's also growth and a maturity in understanding we can't always be the support someone wishes to receive, even when we try our hardest. It made me think of lovers losing compatibility or connection, simply drifting apart even if everything pointed otherwise. The imagery of the "banks" and "sails" gave consistency already in the first few lines, and added a depth to this love. The realization of being fragile, of knowing we can be knocked down, and try as we might to be the strongest force against hardships, we can't always win and be the last one standing.

In the second stanza, I was hoping for a bit more, particularly in regards to word choice (all objective of course!) Since you just brought the theme of warmth in the first stanza, "increasing warmth" sort of fell flat for me, like you could have chosen a synonym or something more to indicate not only the change in season but the loss of other things, with the addition of nature blooming. I also am not trying to picky (I swear!) but "cuckoos" felt like too much of a mouthful here, although they're not something I read/hear mentioned that much in poetry lately. I was hesitant about "blossoms' bloom" as well, not that it necessarily sounds too obvious or too much of a "tongue twister", but I'll have to sit on that. Lastly, since you know it's not often I rhyme or indulge the idea of them on a regular basis, I wondered (because I've come across this before and had to pause), is making "shore" plural nixing the perfect rhyme with "swore"? If that makes sense. I kind of paused on my first read, then sat wondering if it's a case of me over-thinking it and saying the word too much. I don't know if it's technically considered then a near rhyme, or maybe I'm just being difficult and focusing on the singular vs plural haha.

In the third stanza, I loved the pause after "If", and the use of "dregs". Perfect description there. The remnants of a love, the leftovers that are contemplative. Not for a second chance as I took it, but for a place of healing over time and knowing that one cannot change the past, and even if there were regrets and mistakes and flaws, that led you both to where you are now. It was not intentional, and I liked your reminder there. I'd like to think most of us try our best, and I think there's humility in realizing when we may not be enough for someone, even if we are at our most selfless that we can be. It's our intent that matters. But back to the stanza, the second line, check "undertand" for missing a letter. I liked the reference back to the title, the "planting" and knowing even if we try to grow and care for wonderful things in our garden, there will still be weeds, and it's our decision on how to handle them. One last comment though. I was thrown off in the last stanza, rhyme-wise, because of "best" and "bed"? Unless that was purposeful, to kindly throw the reader of the rhyme scheme in a subtle way of making a point that aligns with the theme, there are thorns in all of our roses, and imperfections we can't erase, and sometimes, that's the point of it. To see and live that reality instead of covering up, and burying what we keep denying.

Those are all my thoughts. I had a great time reading, and as always, your poems always hold depths that speak to me!

(And yes, go Keira with the praised comments!)

Firstly, what a lovely title. The rhymes (ABAB,CDCD,EFEF) were smooth, and not at all forced. I also like how you've centered it and how you've capitalized all of the words at the start of a sentence, as I think this poem needs the harder, bolder edge.
The context was sad, but really beautifully written.
I have a few criticisms, but nothing to do with the actual writing, as I think it's absolutely perfect as it is :)

despite the springs' increasing warmth

^^ 'Springs' needs a capital here, I think, as it's a proper noun. And maybe the apostrophe comes before the 's'?
Aside from any of this, I thought this was absolutely wonderful :)