Another Bad Day

I can't find a reason
To get up out of bed
And all of these thoughts
Keep rushing to my head.

Life is too beautiful for me
I can't even compare
Everyone around me is so happy
And I'm left in despair.

I keep hallucinating
I do not know what is there
Instead I see
What I want to be there.

I'm in my own world
But I still can feel the pain
Why is it so
That it cannot be tamed?

I lie a million times
And say I am okay
Even though I know
I'll never be that way.

I am so hungry
But I cannot eat
I still need to lose ten more pounds
To look and feel neat

I cannot seem to fake it anymore
I think everyone knows
They won't stop bothering me
I want them to leave me alone.

They pretend they care
But in the end they never do
They always betray your trust
While you end up a fool.

Although it would be nice
To have someone by my side
I can't imagine what it must
Feel like not to hide.

I cannot even focus.
It feels like I am possessed.
It won't let me try,
But maybe I am just depressed.

Quit yelling my name!
What you've got to say,
I don't want to hear.
I don't want to be here anyway.

My teacher tapped me
"Are you okay?"
My stomach jumped,
I didn't know if I could say.

That is a question I cannot be asked.
Because the answer to that
Is too long for you
To reply back

So I'll tell you what you want to hear.
"Yes, I am fine,"
I say calmly,
Lying another time.

I feel so useless
Like I am not worth to be here
Because all I really feel
Is so much pain and fear

I write down my feelings
Countless times
But the pain never leaves
As I type my rhymes.

Writing is not helping
Should I discontinue or not?
All I know right now
Is that I'm too confused to stop.

Why is it that I feel not a thing?
I know no one will come
So I just move along everyday,
Silent and numb

Maybe one of these days
Someone will help me get through
All of this pain
Caused by people like you.