I wrote this style one time and haven't really tried it since. It's challenging, which I love. But, I hated the outcome of it. It's definitely not my favorite style of poetry. I will say though that yours isn't too bad. I liked how you brought it together at the end and the first 4 lines aren't that bad either. It's a lot better than the other ones I have read in this style.
I don't like how these flow. But, line by line (separately) you have a good flow. It seems to have good meaning, which I also believe is hard to give out in these styles of poetry considering the lack of words. Of course, I'm sure a great poet could do it with ease. You've done a good job. It's not fantastic but that's only because I'm not all for this style I'll give you a 5/5 because if I liked this style then you'd most likely have an amazing poem here.
I always have, and will always say that these type of poems are the best ones. Short and powerful poems stick in your head.
Such a strong impact on the reader. You picked your words beautifully here, they definitely have the desired effect.
"As I conquer, lucent moments hail"
This last line is the killer one for me, finishes the poem off so powerfully with such a poignant sentence.