Overall I thought this was a good piece, I especially liked the third, fofth, fifth and seventh stanzas as they were very well written, had good rhymes and told important and powerful parts of the story. I must be honest, I disliked the last line of the second stanza immensely, this is because I feel 'black and blue' has been far overused, but apart from that, it was an enjoyable read.
P.S. Thank you for your comment on my piece 'Me in the Meltdown', I'm glad you weren't bored by it and that it didn't drag on, either of those seem very positive, lol. However, I must say that I totally disagree with you, I think it is boring. I've re-read it twice, and I find it dissatisfying. I'm very dissappionted to have actually submitted it, and will probably delete it, but thank you for you kind words, even if they were lies, lol.
Wow, this has an amazing amount of emotion in it. To lose a loved one is one of the hardest and most painful things to try and get over. I know where ur coming from and how it feels. But they arn't gone until you let them go. Great job, <3 whit
But the swingset is broken
Like the rest of his heart
When she died on that day
They both fell apart
He's the frame of a man
That at one time was great
But when he let go of love
All he had left was hate.
^^That was amazing! Those were definately my fav stanzas and they matter the most too. Because no matter how good a poem is if the conclusion is weak then the rest is ruined. That definately didn't happen here. This was pure power. Amazing job, Charisma!!! :)