'I' ve been away at college for just about a year
And you' ve all continued on as if I was never here'
-oh how i no how that one feels. :[
this is a strong emotional poem, written from the heart no flattery or made flowery just straight out and to the point. thats why i love your poems so much. you have a stereotypical way of writting but with your own flare and twist.
the ending was jesus, thumbs up! :]
absolutely loved it. but itll never compared to the one bout your parenst not understanding. :]
I' m writing you this poem to get my feelings out
I have some things in mind I need to let you know about.
I know you all don' t miss me and I know you all don' t care
But I' ve got to get these feelings out so you are all aware.
*** I absolutely LOVE these lines, they're so amazing and they just get the attention of the reader right away with the boom, bam - rhyme scheme and amazing emotion stuff. (: ***
I' ve been away at college for just about a year
And you' ve all continued on as if I was never here.
*** " . . . as If I was never here." << Now, that goes there perfectly but to me it just sounded odd. There's not much to do about it due to the rhyme scheme, and it fits just fine. But, I thought I'd be completely honest with it ***
You' ve all forgotten me and the fact that I exist
What gets me hard and hurts me most is I' m not even missed.
Not one of you has come to visit or called to just say hi
I wish I knew back then that it would be my last good-bye.
*** I LOVE THESE LINES <3 ***
I must confess that since I left I' ve never felt so alone
I though that you would help me out, but I' ve been on my own.
* * * " . . . I`ve never felt so alone" << Maybe try ' I have' instead? It just sounds better because of the flow.
A place so quiet, a place so new, I don' t think I can make it
You' ve blocked me out, the silence screams.. I don' t think I can take it.
So , so-called " friends " .. you are no more.. and this time I
don' t care
It' s not like I will miss you . . . because you were never really there.
*** Amazing ending. (: ***
- - - -
The entire poem : is my favorite so far today. (: I'm in love with it 100%, and it's going on my favorite poems. You have such control over the flow and rhyme - yes, there were a few things that I THINK needed changed, but nothing too extreme, and the rest made up for it.