He stood proud
five-eleven in bare feet,
hair sun bleached and billowing
in the afternoon breeze
- do you know, even though I am doing these back wards and I wish I could reverse time to see these, I am glad I missed them because it makes the transformation for me more vivid. To now see how he used to be, how proud and happy he was and cared for. It just puts so much more sadness into the latest pieces.
how he loved it when
his hat blew off,
landing in the cornfields.
It took Sally long enough
to find it and
she would scold him while she
search this way and that
- I think search should be searched?
- this now makes sense about his hat lying in the fields but not being retrieved in the later poem. I find this stanza quite cheeky in the way I can imagine him doing it as a game when a baby throws their toy away to get the parent to fetch it back for them.
I swear his smile broadened
on such days.
- I love the idea of a smile being stitched on but yet the imagination knowing it is growing, how fantastic is that!
Dear Sally, she always
made sure his shirt
was neat and tidy,
that no buttons were missing.
- I like this, it shows how precious he is to Sally and how well she keeps his appearance. But on the other hand, it shows that he thinks Sally really loves and cares for him but she probably just knows his appearance matters for his purpose of keeping away the crows.
Then, one day
Sally stopped coming by and...
he was left in the field
to wonder why...
- and again, the abandonment. :( I guess in this ending it could have even been something happened to Sally. There are just a million things this story could be and my head is filled with them all. Maybe the farmers themselves have aged and are now unable to look after their farm and poor Kuebiko. This would be even sadder because age makes us less capable of things and we have to give up things but not through choice.
Very touched by this story and like I said - you had me from the first one, and I never want them to end! x
5 years ago
Judging Comment Jun 17, 2013
I am glad Hellon is showing us how Kuebiko was in the Beginning. I grew attach to him since the previous poem. This piece tells a sad but common story.
What I like is that it's not over emphasizing sadness but rather wonder, while at the same time it leaves the reader wondering what happen to Sally? My guess, Sally grew up . . . It makes the reader connect with the characters as well as to think how situations like this happen in real life. After reading the poem, now this explains why Kuebiko had torn cloths on the other poem. Well done.
I enjoyed how the author made more of a storyline and described the beginning of this scarecrow's life. It gave more color and vision as to what he is made of. The author never fails to be artful in her way of expression and I adored how this was a tale told, but within the verses of a beautiful poem. The character that I imagine to have such a warm smile is Sally, and it makes me wonder all throughout this piece whether she is a friend, a farmer, or maybe a little girl who has an imagination and visits him often.
The author has almost an enchanted way of writing this because it makes me believe this is where the scarecrow came from, how he started off a charismatic, sweet man, and evolved into a scarecrow, or was depicted that way. I felt the warmth of both characters automatically in the beginning... especially with the hat blowing off and Sally having to catch it. It warmed my heart- very playful too!
The ending again is so clever in it's mystery. It's like those stories you read when a child visits someone who is an outcast or not welcomed necessarily by the world and brings them liveliness, but then don't come regularly anymore.
It's heartbreaking and I adore the youthful atmosphere. The author gave this scarecrow much more than a voice, but a heart. Lovely read!!
5 years ago
I love that Hellon wrote (or at least posted) another poem about Kuebiko. The first poem was definitely worthy and so is this. This poem is beautiful in it's simplicity... but knowing we can delve deeper into a stronger message. I love this so much because it reminded me of my grandparents. They were together for YEARS, so in love, and did little things that drove the other nuts just to get a rise out of them. It was so fun to watch because you knew it was all out of love. Here I love that Sally fusses over him.. it seems as though he feels proud and like she won't be mad long. Again the simplicity in this piece is my favorite, as is the tone. Really beautiful.
5 years ago
I am in love with this sort of mini-series you've created. You give so much character and personality to this nonliving object. It's fascinating, it's refreshing. Moving and poignant. I really loved the first one you submitted, how it ended so abruptly and it was so professional. I have nothing more to say. But just wanted to leave my comment here and let you know I enjoyed this so much.
On the fourth stanza, I think it should be broadened. Inspiring work! x