My First Prom…Pt. 1

*the stanzas with a dash (-) before the quotation is my mother's words going through mind of what she said to me before I left.*

Standing in front of the door, its him.
Nervous.
I hold my gown as I go down the stairs.
Reticent.
My mother gazes with her narrowed eyes.
Tension or envy
Those words she said run through my mind.

-“The only reason I’m letting you go
Is because I want you away from me.
You look ugly and your dress is pretty,
But on somebody else. You’re too fat and
You’re dad will be waiting when come back.”-

I look down…
Ashamed.
He stares at me with uncertainty.
Why did he have to ask me?

My mother acts so sweet.
If only she was always like this.
If only he knew the real her that I do.

-“Don’t look so happy. You’re never
Going to do this again. I promise you that.”-

I smile at him as he grins with pride.
Regret and anxiety pierce my mind,
As I am being tortured with words spoken.
But it doesn't bother me.
Hiding scars and hiding fears,
Appearing beautiful and unbroken.

Finally, the last step…ready to leave
He opens the door for me and
Walks to me toward our white limo
Again he opens the door but pauses:
“You look beautiful.”

Blush…“Thank you.”

-“He felt sorry for you is why he asked.
You’re going to be such a wh0re because
You said yes. I should tell your father
That you’re just a slủt. No wait, he would
Probably like that.”-

Whew, we’re on our way to prom.
I glance back at my mom who is happily waving.
“You’re mom is very nice. You’re so lucky”

I swallow…“Yeah, she’s nice.”
Maybe a little too nice but that goes unnoticed.
Aren’t I lucky?

I smile to hide the sarcasm and lie.

He puts his arm around me.
We laugh the time away.
Sadness and her words are forgotten.

We arrive to prom with stares.
Our door is opened; he gets out first.
He grabs my hand, and helps me.
My name is being shouted with awe.

We go inside with many girls in dresses.
They all are so pretty and so happy.
All smiles and laughter, no room for fear
A full time show with the stage following me.

I can do this.
Deep breath…

Mrs. Johnson. (Chemistry Teacher):
“Well don’t you look gorgeous? You’re dress is
Just beautiful. You look like Cinderella.”

I’m sure…

As we were guided to the room,
I couldn’t help but gaze at the beauty.
Flowers, candles, dimmed lights,
A water fountain in the center, with
The perfect view of the sunset, amazing.
My first prom.

Time was passed right before my eyes.
Going by unnoticed with laughter, dancing,
Pictures and poses, compliments, friends,
Happiness…….memories to cherish.

Sitting at the dinner table,
The food looked good.
I hadn’t eaten all day.
My stomach was rumbling.

-"You probably couldn't even fit in that
Dress because you're so fat. Hell I wouldn't
Care if you starved yourself, it looks like
You need to! I sure the hell am not fixing you
Anything to eat anymore. You can starve to
Death for all I care."-

Appetite is lost.

Picking at my food, no one really noticed.
Sigh…
Finally dinner was over.

During dessert, a ten-minute video played
About the passed year for the seniors.
I don’t know everyone since I only came
This semester in January.

I acted like I forgot about the slice of
Chocolate cheesecake in front of me.
And was just lost with the slow songs
The video played while reminiscing.

I wondered what it would be like
To have all of these great memories
Instead of the horrible ones I have.

The people here don’t realize
How much they have and take for granted.
But me, I know what I have.
I know what I go home to and what I put up with.
It’s my vicious life cycle.

...Sorry I have to put it in parts. It's kind of long what happened that Saturday night. I'll submit the next part as soon as I can, just look out for it...