The number one cause of death is birth.

A tip for life in the future... if you haven't done this yet. Never call your parents old when they are actually GETTING old! Even when it's a joke!

If you don't use your head for thinking
you might as well have two asses!!!

Note to self, remember no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Class; is dead darling.
It died with the dinosaurs.
It traded it's Pearls & White Wine
for a MySpace & Corona.
Welcome to the 21st Century;
Would you like fries with that?

When life craps on you just grab a lighter and see if it caches fire.

I'm so blond, my hair is brown!!

(Something I said to my friend on the bus today during a moment of utter brilliance)

And we only smoke when we're bored so we do two packs a day and we've lost the difference between bored and lonely anyway

Did u know that pepsi and chocolate is awesome??? well it is! and if u don't like pepsi or chocolate u suck!!!!!!!