In the end;; everything will be okay. If it isnt okay-it isnt the end.

You Know You're The Shit When People You Dont Even Know Hate You

Old enough to know better, too young to care

My girldfriend said, "I'm seeing another man." I said, "Well, try rubbing your eyes or something."

The other day a woman came up to me and said, "Didn't I see you on television?"
I said, "I don't know. You can't see out the other way."

I went into Gus'es artificial organ and taco stand, said, "Give me a bladder por favor."
The guy said "Is that to go?"
I said, "Well, what else would I want it for?"

When I was little I used to lay in my twin sized bed at night, wondering where my brother was.

I saw a commercial on late night TV, it said,"Forget everything you know about slipcovers." So I did. And it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, and I didn't know what the hell they were.

I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something.

I got an ant farm... them 'fellas didn't grow s***.