I have a vest. If I had my arms cut off, it'd be a jacket

I'm sick of Soup of the Day, it's time we made a decision. I wanna know what the Hell 'Soup From Now On' is.

I'm an ice sculptor - last night I made a cube

My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the Hell's really goin on down there? Who is the real hero?

If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I'd be making money in a very weird way.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, and thats why they call it the present. :)

When life give you lemons..find someone with vodka and have a party

Why are all nudists people that you don't want to see naked?

When in doubt, lie.

When its too late to lie, tell part of the truth.

The horse has been stolen, so whats the point of locking the barn?