Arguments with my wife tend to end with her feeling that she is ulitmately right. Which is odd because they end with me feeling that too: that she's right. That can't be right.

Sometime i'd like to be a glow worm, because a glow worms never glum. Its hard to be downhearted when the sun shines out your bum!

Put A Condom On Your Ear And Screw What You Hear.

Hug a hater

slap a ho.

"hey does ur face still hurt?\\\" lol

Dats why ya momma can't cook!!

Is cheese a carb?

I hate bed bugs. Scared of them too. So I brought real bugs into my bed! See how them bed bugs like THAT.

FAT KIDS ARE HARDER TO KIDNAP.

Dear Lord, you don't have to make me skinny. Just make my friends fat.

You have ONE advantage over me.....you can kiss my ass and I can't!!