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My roommate said to me, 'I'm gonna go shave and use the shower, does anyone need to use the bathroom?' It's like some freaky quiz where he reveals the answer first. |
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Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier'n helpin' 'em move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load crap into a truck |
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I think Pringles original intention was to make tennis balls but on the day the rubber was supposed to show up a truckload of potatoes came. Pringles is a laid back company, so they just said "Screw it, cut em up!" |
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I was walking down the street with my friend and he said, "I hear music", as if there is any other way you can take it in. You're not special, that's how I receive it too. I tried to taste it but it did not work |
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I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large out of focus monster roaming the countryside. Look out, he's fuzzy, let's get out of here |
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My apartment is infested with koala bears. Its the cutest infestation ever. Much better than cockroaches. I turn the lights on and the koalas scatter. I'm like, come back! I want to hold one of you, and feed you a leaf. |
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I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something. |
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I saw a commercial on late night TV, it said,"Forget everything you know about slipcovers." So I did. And it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, and I didn't know what the hell they were. |
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When I was little I used to lay in my twin sized bed at night, wondering where my brother was. |
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The other day a woman came up to me and said, "Didn't I see you on television?" |