I have two emotions; rage and supressed rage.

The devil on my shoulder is my advisor. The angle is just there for show.

The severity of the knot in the tie of your sweatpants is directly proportional to your need to pee.

Well, officer, he said 'Piss in the cup.' I said 'Shit in your hat!' ... and that's how the fight started.

It's easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.

-- Lori, age 8

Dont follow in my footsteps
i runn into walls

-idk

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

A balanced diet: a cookie in each hand.

There are no failures; just experiences that don't go as you planned.