Guys were only created because vibrators can't mow the grass

She's right over there, look. Wait, don't look. I mean you can look, but don't look like you're looking.

When trying to write a poem, and you have nothing to write, try killing yourself. if you fail, write about that. if you dont, well at least your troubles are over.

3 truths of lyfe:
1) u cant touch all ur teeth wit ur tounge
2)ur a dumbass if u just tried it
3)now ur smilin cuz ur a dumbass!

(my mate got this as a text)

you've got style
you've got class
i like your smile
i like your a*s
you make my heart
feel like summer
sorry mate
i got the wrong number

I didn't fail, i just found 1000 ways on how NOT to do it.

Its 4-20 lol

Dude, school is like a boner, long and hard.

Death is God's way of telling man 'Your fired!'. Suicide is man's way of telling god, 'You can't fire me! I quit!'

I'm stuck at home with idiots...........wait..i'm the only one here!!