Big Mac--5 dollars

Deep fried cheesecake--3 dollars

Large poutine with extra gravy--10 dollars

Dying of a freak breakout of the bubonic plague--priceless

For everything else, there's lyposuction

Nascar
"N"- non
"A"- athletic
"S"- sport
"C"- created
"A"- around
"R"- rednecks

If at first you dont succeed - cheat!

Hear no evil, See no evil, Speak no evil.....WTF!!!! Where is the fun in that!!

“Love your enemies. It really pisses them off!”

I'm an apathetic sociopath - I'd kill you if I cared.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."

I am not short i am fun size

I hate it when people say "lifes to short"
What the hell! life is the longest thing anyone ever does.. what is possibly longer?

When trying to write a poem, and you have nothing to write, try killing yourself. if you fail, write about that. if you dont, well at least your troubles are over.