If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."

Dinners ready when you hear the smoke alarm!

Death is God's way of telling man 'Your fired!'. Suicide is man's way of telling god, 'You can't fire me! I quit!'

Sanity an illusion born from a lack of alcohol

Nascar
"N"- non
"A"- athletic
"S"- sport
"C"- created
"A"- around
"R"- rednecks

Its 4-20 lol

~~i\'m tryin to see things from your point of view, but i cant shove my head that far up my a**~~

It's a shame when you sit down and your thighs squish out to twice their size.

God made men first because he needed a rough draft before a masterpiece!

--LOL, ily Becks

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...Does
that mean the fifth one enjoys it?