If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either.

~D. Cavett

I ran through my house with siccors and I LIVED....lol

If you light a match in a room full of lads do you think it would explode!

Mom have you seen the peanutbutter ? (mom) check the bathroom

I went into Gus'es artificial organ and taco stand, said, "Give me a bladder por favor."
The guy said "Is that to go?"
I said, "Well, what else would I want it for?"

Wake up and smell the coffee, then go back to sleep

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck norris?

-none.the wood chucks itself in fear of chuck norris

People who commit suicide were just afraid that someday they will run into Chuck Norris

"If God brings you to it, he will bring you threw it"