Sally ( hardcore christian): god has to be a chick
me: why
sally: well only a girl has such beauty and creativity
me: well then she better be a girl
sally: Why?
me: well theres nothing better then a beauty who's creative

My friends are the type of friends who go to a cashier and ask where is the checkout line.

I Was At Michael Jackson's House, And This Kid Runs Out, "Wait Save Me!!!"

^^ Lmaao.

I Must Breed My Spoon & Fork Or The World Will Run Out Of Sporks!!!

Don't be mad please!

Don't ask why but for soem reason that just amuses me...

If my head wasn't attached to my neck, then it would float away......then how would i remember what i look like!?!?!

Does a dyslexic atheist not believe in dog?

-kepler on CSI.

The iPod: the only thing guys brag about being the smallest.

"im bringin sexy back"
"psst, when was sexy gone? and why are YOU the one to bring it back?"

I had my soul removed to make room for all this sarcasm.