Need a tissue for your issue....

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Men are like...Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Men are like...Department stores.
Their clothes should always be half off.

Men are like...Mini Skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.

Men are like...High Heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Men are like...Parking Spots.
The good ones are taken and the rest are too small.

You laugh because I'm different...
I laugh cause I just farted!

It takes 46 muscles to frown...but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.

Girls are like phones.
We love to be held, talked too...
But if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!