"Last night, as I lay awake looking at the stars I began to wonder, "wherever has the tent gone?"

So let me get this straight,
I am supposed to pay money for a dead tree, not be afraid of a fat guy in a red suit, and eat candy out of a sock?

Person 1- What would you say if I threw you in a river?
person 2- I'd say I'd have to throw you in first then run like hell!

-I said this to my friend, she is constantly playing those flipping "What if?" games!

You're wrong, You're so fricken wrong that you aren't even right!

-Something I said to my friend in a moment of just absolute and utter brilliance. ;)

I have the expertise, and the inclination, but sadly I do not possess the time. ;)

I'm glad he's pushing up daisies
-He is not pushing up dasies, he is DEAD!
It's an idiom
-You sir, are the idiom

What did the blondes left leg say to her right.absolutely nothing they have never met.

It takes 46 muscels to frown but only 4 to flip them the bird

I said hi
u said hi
ur mom said hi
BURN!!!
sorry, i must have hurt you bad, want an ice pack??

I didnt say it was youir fault.. i said i was going to blame you!