Roses are red violets are blue.
but violets are purple so what's with the blue.

-my friend came up with this one too.

Roses are red violets are blue.
i'm so pretty but what happened to you?

-my friend made this one up.

Roses are red violets are blue
some poems rhyme. this doesn't.
-not mine.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. Today I made 12, I was prolific.

-Mitch Hedberg.

Actual conversation:
Him: You are such a b***h!
Me: I take that as a compliment.
Him: Oh really
Me: Yea because I'd call you a d**k, but you don't got one!

It may look like I am listening to you talk, But I am picturing you naked.

:P

My bf: yea its good luck to tuch a squirrels tail
me: ok...
My bf: *sees a squirrel and chases after it. touches its tail. ends up slipping on the wet grass and falling flat on his face*
me: wasnt so lucky after all, was it?
LOL
tru convo

Things never to say to a cop
-no u assume the position
- ur not gonna check the trunk r u?
-ur eyes look a lil glazed have u been eating doughnuts?
-i swear to drunk occifer im not god

Guy:i have a problem...my mom and i got into a fight and she called me a son of a b.i.t.c.h. so i just walked away...

Guy1: how do you indent a paragraph?
guy2: get your d.i.c.k out of your a.s.s and learn to type!!
silence....
guy1: and then what?