"Did you ever stop to think before approaching me, that just maybe, my delusional hell wouldn't agree with yours!?"
~Delirium

Friends are like potatoes... If you eat them they will die..

I just kept humming to annoy the people around me
And wound up giving myself a headache.

A line from the song "hey ya" :
"seperate's always better when there's feelings involved".

my roomates idea of what they say:
seperate walls are better when there's ceilings involved.

briliant!

Cop: You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? Well, we don't. Sign here.

Cop: You didn't know how fast you where going? I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?

God Obviously Proved The Statement,
'Everybody Makes Mistakes',
When He Made You.

Dear Homework,
You are NOT attractive and I'm not doing you.

If I had to choose between you or my dog, I would rather choose my dog because he doesn't need as much food as you do.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to Hell in multiple religions.