HEY! I just heard, a short bus tipped over and I know how you dont like to wear your helmet because its hard to lick the windows. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.

If you are having a bad day, remember, It could be worse: You could be a conjoined twin, with a gay brother, who has a date tonight and you are the only one with a butt hole.

Its such a nice day. I think Ill surprise everyone by not taking my medication.

There is a report of a drunk, naked person riding in a Big Wheel down Main Street. Do you need me to come get you again?

Once in a spelling bee my opponent couldn't get "erect". I, however, could.

I Mighta Been Born Just Plain White Trash
But Fancy Is My Name

"Fancy" - Reba McEntire

Lonely xXx

Person#1: omg i can walk again it's been year since the last time i've walked it's a miracle
person#2:no its not. me being happy this long is a miracle XD

Kiss your buttface cause im happy and thats a miracle XD

... In case of fire...
Yell "FIRE!"

You're so sweet that I think I just got diabetes.