Guy:i have a problem...my mom and i got into a fight and she called me a son of a b.i.t.c.h. so i just walked away...

Guy1: how do you indent a paragraph?
guy2: get your d.i.c.k out of your a.s.s and learn to type!!
silence....
guy1: and then what?

OMG my soup isn't tasty I'm going to kill myself

kyah xx

Hey boy dont u wish u coulda been a good boy, its hard to find a good boy buh hey boy
your sexy and i want you :P

So run, before my evil eye wakes up, 'cause it don't like you a lot.

"What is this a competition to see who has the largest stretch marks? Mine are bigger than yours!"
(from a phone conversation with a friend; my response to her mentioning me having twenty kids and her having just one)

I am proud that I am Joeam because i am person who is strong and God-fearing.

Who says money cant buy happiness?!?
just buy happy pills!

Men were given two heads
but only enough blood to
think with one at a time

Im in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldnt listen to myself, Im drunk!